A new dawn

I've been thinking of writing some type of journal for a while now. One my husband can't find. He's noisy and doesn't understand boundaries. Also we've lost our medical insurance and I can no longer go to bitch at my therapist for the wrongs my family has done, again and again. I did learn some tools while I was bitching. Write a journal, release those thoughts onto paper and set yourself free. I don't know how free I'm going to be but at the moment I'm feeling lighter than before. I'll explain.
One of my biggest doormats is my mother. Lord how I don't want to be like her, PLEASE. I can't tell everything I dislike about her now but I can begin with my accomplishments of today.
"I told my mother she can't live with me when she gets older and needs help"
I know this sounds terrible but I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. She does have two other children who she gets along with much better than me. The other day I was trying to talk with her about preparing for old age (she's 76) and why she should at least think about it. I mentioned I didn't think it was a good idea for her to live with me. We don't get along and we have a very long history of bad decisions, bad feelings, bad communication. Bad, Bad, Bad.
So she says to me, But what if I want to live with you. I remind her she has two other children who she gets along with much better than me. Then I hear from her, "What are you going to do, Tell me no. YES. I'm going to tell you no! and I have. Not because I don't love you or don't care. But because I do love you and I'm not your doormat anymore.