Letting go hurts so deep.

Just another day in my world folks. I received an e-mail from my sister which said, "your the problem". Nice yes. It's hard when two people who say they love each other can't stand to be around the other. Yet in my heart of hearts I know this is for the best. I know if I let myself get close to her again she would slam the door in my face just as she has before. Letting go means just that, letting go. There's no turning back, no second chances. You cut the chain that binds you and you bravely move on. Trying to keep your head held high. Knowing you have made the right decision. Yet this hurts more than breaking up with a boyfriend, or when you get a divorce. This is family...! and admitting things can not be worked out cuts deep.
I wish her health and happiness. May she continue to always to land on her feet. But I'm sorry sis, too much pain runs under the bridge. But we'll always have Kentucky. I'd rather remember Kentucky than remember how we've fought, how we've let each other down. I'll miss you.

My daughter hasn't come over to my home in almost 2 months, My oldest son doesn't call me nor does he allow me to see my grand daughter. She turned 1 years old last July. She's now 14 months old and I've only seen her once. The day after she was born. If you where to look at the common denominator in all of this. That would be me. At this time I have three people not speaking to me. Two children and one sister.

Maybe I'm trying to chear myself up by writting how letting go hurts and it's the right thing to do. Yet I know I would love to hear from my children.

Three people not speaking to me makes a person wonder if they really are the problem. But I'm tired, so very tired of trying and failing to make people like me. You can't really "make" anyone like you I know this. I suppose I mean I'm tired of trying and getting no where with them.

Sometimes I wonder about moving back East. I know my husband loves me and this is comforting. I love him too.